Ode to the mouth breather
Dear Mouth Breather,
I just want to say thank you. You made my flight from Portland to Chicago so pleasant. But if I may, just a few pieces of valuable advice. While I realize that personal hygiene is strictly up to the discretion of an individual, may I suggest that in the future if you plane on finding yourself in a setting that keeps you in close proximity to other individuals, most especially those that do not know you and therefore must suffer in silence, please think long and hard about your personal hygiene that day. While it was so very pleasant to have you breathe your rank breath in my face the entire 3 1/2 hour flight, I feel strongly that not everyone would find it quite as delightful as I did.
As an aside to that, although it is completely beyond ones control as to the timing of an illness, I’ve always found it to be quite impolite to cough and hack on those surrounding you. Apparently we feel quite differently about this. So let me thank you in advance for the wonderful cold I am sure to come down with shortly after my arrival in a foreign country.... with no one to take care of me. I do so appreciate your conscientious behavior today.
While I am quite certain (and admittedly hopeful) that we will never cross paths again, let me just say what an indelible imprint you left on my study abroad experience. Thanks for the memories.
Quite sincerely yours,
The poor unfortunate sitting next to you.
