This blog came about primarily because it is part and parcel of a scholarship that I recently won. However, I found it serves a dual purpose. What better way to promote the scholarship, (as I have been tasked to do), and keep all my friends and family updated from step to step of this process without having to write a million separate emails. Ok, I know what you're thinking. I promise I will write more personal emails as well at times, but hey, given my immense popularity (ha ha, right!) who can expect me to personally respond to all of my fan mail, right? Ok, enough with the delusions.
When I decided to go back to school last fall I was surfing COCC's website for all kinds of information I might need. Then I came across a section of study abroad programs offered and got tripped up when I saw that there was a program to study in Florence, Italy. Now, for those of you reading this who know me even relatively well (and that's assuming that there are people reading this who are not friends and/or family), you know that if there were one place on Earth I'd want to visit before I die, it would be Italy. Partly because I come from an Italian family and partly because...well, just because. It's beautiful, it's mysterious, it's European. Sign me up.
But right off the cuff I thought "not a chance". I mean let's face it, unless you are an unattached, rich person with nothing but time on your hands, who could possibly study abroad. I mean, it's expensive, it's a large chunk of time, and it's far away. So that pretty much said "impossible" to me. Enter my incredibly supportive husband. We went away for the weekend and while spending time together the subject came up. I had mentioned that I would love to have the opportunity to go, but knew that it just wasn't in the cards for us. That's when he said "go". Nothing more, nothing less. Just go. Of course being the pessimist I am in situations such as this, I immediately came up with a list of reason's it just couldn't work. At the top of the list is our beautiful and amazing 2-year-old little boy, of course. Could I possibly leave my baby for 10 weeks? Would Jason be ok without me for that long. Not to mention the financial aspects of funding this kind of endeavor and a myriad of other possible snags. He had an answer for everything I threw at him. So for the first time I began to look at this as even a slight possibility. Then I realized all the steps it took to actually do it! Let me just interject that I am a champion procrastinator, and never relish taking on tasks such as this that require so much attention and consumption of time.
In the end Jason convinced me that he and Noah would be ok and that I needed to just go for it. Once I saw all the steps it would take and how everything would have to fall together to make it possible, I thought to myself "well, I'll try to make it work, but I'm realistic and figure it won't ultimately end up happening". I began the search for answers to my questions and general help in preparing for the trip with the advisor named on the COCC website, Mike Holtzclaw. He proved to be not only a huge help in providing me with anwers, but he also became a powerful motivator. Listening to him talk about Florence and his own experiences abroad gave me an even greater desire to make my own trip happen. He was a wealth of information about where to start, and the order of the steps needing to be taken. He is also the person that led me to the Gilman International Scholarship and the AIFS scholarship being offered.
The Gilman Scholarship process was quite involved and, I'll be honest, I seriously considered not going for it. Let me mention however, that it was not out of laziness, but out of sheer lack of luck. I never win anything. So I felt that going for a national scholarship that has a barely over 50% awarding rate was probably just a wasted effort. BUT...then I thought about how badly I wanted to study in Florence and I realized that while I would do just about anything to scrape together the funds to go, wouldn't it be great if I could get a scholarship or two to help out? So, I said why not, and went for it. In the meantime COCC offered the American Institute of Foreign Study scholarship that I decided to apply for as well. And then....I waited.
And waited. I was jumping out of my skin just hoping I would manage to get one of them. Again I'm a realistic person and the chances of getting both were not even high enough to contemplate. I'm sure I nearly drove Jason crazy worrying and stressing and hoping. And finally....and email from the AIFS commitee. I got it! It was the smaller of the two scholarships but I got it! On the heels of my excitement about actually having been competitive enough to be awarded the AIFS Scholarship came the BIG email. When I saw the Gilman Scholarship Award title I was terrified to open it. I think at that moment it finally really hit me how badly I wanted to have gotten this scholarship. So I closed my eyes, clicked on the link...and there it was, Congratulations! I was in shock. And as a side note to any readers considering applying for it, just know that it can happen so don't sell yourself short. So anyway somehow I had managed to get them both. Now I started thinking that maybe this was fate's way of saying I really needed to do this. And then it hit me, that oh my god, this was really happening. It wasn't just a far off goal that was great to think about but not that realistic to believe in. I mean, I'd sent the application and deposit in, I'd gotten a passport. I had received two state grants, two scholarships and had financial aid to make up the difference. Now I had to face actually doing it. I started thinking about leaving, actually leaving and began asking myself whether or not I could really do it. This is the biggest step I've ever taken. All the other big decisions and steps were taken with someone beside me. Getting married was a combined step, having a baby was something I did with Jason by my side. Spending ten weeks in another country is a step I have to take alone. No Jason, no Noah, no friends and family to spend time with when I get a bit lonely.
So here I am, less than 3 months from the day I leave, and while I don't expect that this will be easy, or fun-filled every second of the trip, I know I have to do it. The road to Florence has and will continue to be paved with ups and downs, highs and lows, but ultimately it's a journey that I've longed to take all my life. And although I've always assumed it would be something I had done before I became a wife and a mother, I've learned many times over that life rarely works out the way we imagine it to. In most cases it works out much better. I have come to the conclusion that this opportunity has come into my life now for a reason, and who am I to question that. So, I intend to take full advantage and have the time of my life. And while I wish this was an experience I was meant to have with my husband and son, I believe that I'm meant to do it alone not only because the logisitics of all three of us going are impossible, but because I believe I'm supposed to prove to myself I can. So here I go.....with the help of the wonderful Gilman Scholarship program (let's not forget to promote this really great study abroad scholarship program), to start an adventure of my own. If you want to follow my journey, see where I've been, and hear about it in my own words then check back here in the coming months. I'll do my best to keep you entertained and to give you all a real slice of my time abroad. I will try and post at least twice a week or so, and would love to hear from all of you while I'm gone. Wish me luck and keep me and my boys in your thoughts. Until next time...Ciao! :)
